Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
