I've blown a few things in my day
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
