just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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