i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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