Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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