I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
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