This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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