My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
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I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
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a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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