When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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