I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
