Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
