it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
