Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
