O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
