Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
