If that was your dad, he is hot
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
