so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
