I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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