Whod you bang
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
