Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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