I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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