i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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