I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
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She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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