I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
