Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
