It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
