Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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