Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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