You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
