At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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