I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
