who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
