I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
