it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
