She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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