Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
