she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
