You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
