the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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