I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
