R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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