One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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