So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
