dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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