you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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