It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
