Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
