i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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