I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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