There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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