i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
