while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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