i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
