It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
