My friends, they love my intelligence
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
