i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
