First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
