at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
