I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
