I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I love you. Go after that dick
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
