my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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