I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
