She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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