I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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