i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
